Puzzle in Proverbs

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12 NIV

              When I was a little girl in Ohio, my parents always encouraged me to ask questions.  They usually integrated scripture, especially when the answer I was seeking was related to how I saw myself or my future.  In seventh grade, my Bible teacher at my Christian school introduced us to the Wisdom Book of Proverbs.  He took us through the first several chapters verse by verse, explaining how we could extract practical yet Divine wisdom from its pages.  Then in graduate school one of my spiritual mentors introduced the concept of a life verse -- one verse that God would use to encourage me and guide me in difficult seasons.  This sounded almost too good to be true.  Needless to say, I promptly started seeking my own.  In time, Proverbs 31:25 (She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future) became central to my understanding of God’s will, plan, and hope for me.  It continues to be the verse He uses to draw me back to Himself, to calm my anxious heart, and remind me that He sees and knows me intimately.

              As the years have passed and I have continued to hope for the desires of my heart to be fulfilled, another proverb has befuddled me time and time again.  On the surface, the meaning seems pretty straightforward – Hope deferred makes the heart sick (when I don’t get the “thing” my heart longs for even though I ask God for it and believe that it is an appropriate wish, I get disappointed, down, and heart sick), BUT a longing fulfilled (I finally get what I long for) is a tree of life (hope and joy restored.)  The living out of this truth however has not been easy.  Practically, there are desires that I have held for decades that seem to go unheeded or seem to be denied indefinitely.  Sometimes it is easy to ignore the desire or reason it away.  Other times the pain is so evident that even my close friends recognize the “heart sickness” and graciously lift up prayers that I can no longer voice.  One little comma in the middle, a question unanswered.  What do I do in the space between the heartache and the tree of life?  My faith believes that the hope will be fulfilled, but my humanity wrestles with the pain and isolation of the in-between.

              So what do I do?  I go back to my life verse.  I LAUGH!!!  Yup.  Why?  Because God is.  Sometimes it is through my tears.  Sometimes it is with the help of a good friend.  Sometimes I tell God I want to laugh but it’s hard.  “A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Prov 17:22).  Gotta love those Proverbs!  May Abba bless you as you lean into your in-between today.